Selling healthy to females
Why the subtle wording we use at Flow is choosing to actively be a positive role model for our next generation of females
As I start to navigate supporting a 3 year old girl with questions about her appearance, I become more & more aware of how intertwined our sense of self is with societies choices. The unconscious message that we are so used to we don’t often question it
So often what she chooses to wear is commented on ‘you look beautiful, look at your pretty dress/hair’. These comments, although seemingly harmless, already cement in her a sense of what she looks like evokes a reaction, and being ‘pretty’ or wearing beautiful things (aka a sparkly tutu) gives a positive reaction. And who wouldn’t want that? But I want her to feel that that positivity can come through her simply being her, whatever she is wearing or doing
As she grows up she will be exposed to a whole world of commercialism geared towards her ‘improving’ her appearance; make up, hair removal, lift, push, enhance… so many things sold to women to make them feel better
Yet we are missing the fact that the reason we feel the need to feel better is because we are constantly told we need to do more. That who we are, as we are, isn’t enough. We are sold striving for an image of a person who isn’t actually reflective of us, our own unique DNA, lifestyle & values
Take exercise classes for example; Sculpt, tone, curve, weight loss… all these things imply we need to look a different way. And I get it, it’s a great sales pitch, because people itentify with that goal & buy into what you’re selling. Yet the focus is on the superficial. A one hour class isn’t going to change how you look, but it can change how you feel, and that is where the magic can happen
If we focus on how we feel in a class, truly work with that, that feeling is going to influence so much more of how we go about our day, from the way we eat to the way we interact & the choices we make… If we focus on the aesthetic we are literally just focussing on the wrapping paper, which, however beautiful, is not the gift inside
Chasing toning our legs is reinforcing that our legs aren’t serving their purpose as they are. Feeling strong & capable, gaining confidence in your body’s ability & bringing that sense of self into then choosing your lunch can be hugely powerful. Focussing on toning & feeling deflated because somehow gravity & female hormones mean our skin moves & sits in ways we have been told is wrong, is only even going to leave us feeling deflated, caught in chasing & never really achieving a change
That isn’t to say it’s not ok to improve our aesthetic. I would be a hypocrite if I wasn’t honest that post natally I didn’t enjoy the way my body looked. Grateful? Absolutely. Accepting of where I was at? Yes. Totally. But I was definitely motivated to feel capable, strong & healthy. My energies were invested in it feeling good. Eating well, moving in a way that felt the right side of nourishing but stepping towards where I wanted to go. It worked because I was focussing on how it felt & letting that feeling offer me the consistency that supports change
Harper sees me exercising, she will see me move for joy, adventure & health. She will hear me say I need to take a walk for my mental wellbeing. She will join in for some ‘exercise’ to help give her energy or if she is feeling overwhelmed… I am consciously (and authentically subconsciously) role modelling a new chapter for our next generation of women & it takes a lot of presence to sit with all the things we were told & not passing these onto her
She was introduced to Frozen a while back & someone bought her an Elsa dress, she loves the songs, the sparkly stories & the sense of magic that dressing up offers. The other day in the car she said she wanted to be like Elsa when she grew up (she also says she wants to be an astronaut so I’ll ride with whatever right now). I asked her why & she said she liked the dresses & the conversation developed to boys & girls & appearance. I was mindful in asking her what about Elsa did she think was a good role model, her kindness, her love of her sister etc… to try and just gently offer other ways that weren’t just about aesthetics of a pretty dress in a castle. I want to offer her the space to love these stories, but I also don’t want her to feel defined by what she sees; girls in dresses, being pretty & boys being capable
Right now pretty clothes are important to her. She loves when we wear something a bit different. I don’t know how much of that is pure personality, the excitement of shiny things or the fact that people are much more enthusiastic & complimentary when she wears pretty dresses. But I know its important to her. So we let her dress Guy up, so its not a girl/boy thing. She will ask him to wear a skirt, we dance ballet, sing songs & tell stories, gently weaving in a sense of options, reduced gender assumptions & a freedom that she doesn’t need to be labelled as anything, as long as she feels healthy, has a safe inner voice & confident sense of self, then we will explore the world in any way she wishes
My hope for the future is that for her generation we can be brave & let go of selling this image of a woman needing to be anything other than herself. That when we describe classes, we don’t loose out on people finding us or choosing us because we avoid language that focusses on the aesthetic, but instead focus on feeling & health. I am sure as a studio we would get more clients if I promoted our classes as toning, cellulite reduction, sculpting classes… I know the Google/Instagram algorithm would love me for it. But what would I be saying to my children? So for now, you’ll find us sharing how our classes can make you feel, offering the same benefits as the class that sells you toning, but just gently trying to be the role model I want to see for my girls
I would love to hear your thoughts on this too
Love Katie